Eulogy

Here lays Yandisa Zamanci Sobahle, a person with an enormous heart with enough love for everyone yet love did not know her name. She leaves behind no one. She went out of her way to make her friends and family happy yet happiness did not know her name. She lived in the light yet her world was filled with darkness. She smiled like nothing was wrong yet behind closed doors she longed to be normal. She faced challenges but still was hopeful. Her fears became reality because she was born alone, lived alone and died alone.

One day

One day it will all make sense.

One day these tears that soak my pillow at night will be no more.

One day, I will learn to be content alone.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

When will I learn to simply trust in the LORD with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.

For it is through his wisdom that all will be revealed.

Regrets

regret

rɪˈɡrɛt/

verb

1 1.
feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that one has done or failed to do).”she immediately regretted her words”

2 synonyms:

3 be sorry about, feel contrite about, feel apologetic about, feel remorse about/for, be remorseful about, rue, repent (of), feel repentant about, be regretful at/about, have a conscience about, blame oneself for More

noun

1 1.
a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over an occurrence or something that one has done or failed to do.”she expressed her regret at Virginia’s death”

2 synonyms:

3 remorse, sorrow, contrition, contriteness, repentance, penitence, pangs of conscience, guilt, compunction, remorsefulness, ruefulness, shame, self-reproach, self-accusation, self-condemnation; More

The battle is not yours

In life you will be tested, you will go through trials and tribulations but know that this shall pass.

Keep your head up even when everything seems to be going wrong.

2 Chronicles 20:15 – And he said, Hearken ye, all Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem, and thou king Jehoshaphat, Thus saith the LORD unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle [is] not yours, but God’s.

Exodus 14:13
But Moses said to the people, “Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever.

Horoscope

I am a sucker for Astrology, sometimes I am like ya nhe

However I recall reading something that said I shouldn’t worry about finding work this year and guess what. I got a call from my previous employer. So I am employed till December and will seriously start job hunting next year. It does not mean I am not looking at the moment.

Katie Heaney wrote, “The belief in astrology has also been the subject of academic study. A 1997 article entitled “Belief in Astrology: A Social-Psychological Analysis” by researchers Martin Bauer and John Durant used 1988 British survey data to test a number of hypotheses that might explain why certain people are more likely to check their star charts than others”.

My horoscope readings may not be 100% on point but they are usually right however I do not take everything written to heart. So I shall continue reading.

PHD

Pull her down syndrome

Why are we always in competition with each other?

Why can’t we just be happy for each other and support each other.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche said “You can have ambition but not too much. You should aim to be successful but not too successful otherwise you will threaten the man”

“Because I am female I am expected to aspire to marriage.I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important”.

We really need to start being Our Sister’s Keeper by having respect for each other and start seing each other as equals regardless of our different lifestyles.

What if we start supporting, mentoring and encouraging each other?
What if we started sharing information that is uplifting?

We need to create environments of equal opportunities and be concerned about the development of self and learning to love ourselves better.

Potential

This thing of seeing potential in people is a problem. It's a problem because the people you see potential in cannot see what you see in them. Or that they only realize their potential when you have decided to stop dreaming. Stop dreaming of what may be. I think sometimes I get too caught up in other people's potential that I actually forget about my own. I know that I am certainly not living up to my full potential in Gods eyes but who is. As I am seeing potential in others chances there is someone who also wishes that I could live up to my potential. The view then on potential changes I guess. But that's a story for another day.

Facing my demons

indecisive
1. 1.
not providing a clear and definite result.
“an indecisive battle”
synonyms: inconclusive, proving nothing, settling nothing, open, indeterminate, undecided, unsettled, borderline, indefinite, unclear, ambiguous, contradictory, ambivalent, conflicting, confusing, two-edged, double-edged, paradoxical;
informal up in the air
“these experimental results are indecisive”

2. 2.
(of a person) not able to make decisions quickly and effectively.
“he was too indecisive to carry out his political programme”

My name is Yandisa Sobahle and I struggle with being indecisive. So maybe one day just maybe I will have a different story to tell. The decisions that I have made and not regret are:

Studying with City Varsity

Doing my Honours at the University of Pretoria

Enrolling for a MA at Rhodes University

Buying my first car

Destined to be alone

I came to the world alone surely I am not supposed to die lonely

sometimes I think I was destined to be alone

my heart cannot take it

I opened my heart to have it thrown in my face

I believed in love

I believed that love would find me

maybe I am not worthy to be loved by man

for man is made of flesh and blood

kodwa umtrinity ongcwele uyandithanda futhi undamkela ndi nje

I wrote a letter to my love

I wrote a letter to my love, to my love and on the way I dropped it

I dropped the letter unawares

and here I was wondering why I hadn’t received a response

I hadn’t received a response because my love didn’t get the letter that I wrote

He didn’t see me express my feelings down on pen and paper

Here I am wondering what he is thinking

will he ever return a response to my letter

I risked it all, put my heart on a platter so that I may receive his love

But come to think of it, how would I know what love is

Love could be looking me right in the face and I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference

You see I have opened up this heart of mine too many times, been hurt but still refuse to believe that I am not worthy of love

His love is different and I want it

He loves me, he sees me and that is enough

He is the first person I think of in the morning and the last person I think of at night

I choose to love him today,tomorrow and beyond

so I will be uNkosazana wakhe in waiting because I deserve a King like him